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This is love or nervous?

No one would say that they set out to get into a relationship with an insecure man. However, that’s exactly what many women do. In fact, an insecure man can be especially tempting to you, particularly if your last relationship was with a narcissistic man who was all about himself and not so interested in you, or a predatory man who was happy to let you support him. Viewed through the eyes of a woman who has been burned in a one of these relationships, an insecure man may seem sensitive and interested in you. In one way that it true: he is interested in the love you have to offer. But the insecure man can also be a bottomless pit that might just drain you of every drop of love you possess.

Why Insecurity Can Be Appealing

When she first met Adam, Grace thought that he was just shy and quiet. She had no idea that what she was seeing was severe insecurity. Adam was one type of insecure man — the underachiever. Though he had graduated from college and was employed as an engineer, Adam had never advanced very far. At work he always got evaluations that boiled down to “satisfactory” — in other words, far short of what was needed to get ahead.

Grace decided to commit to this relationship, after dating Adam for six months, in large part because he pursued her, and also because he came across as wanting the relationship very much. And unlike her previous two boyfriends, Adam at least had a steady job and was faithful to her. So when the lease on the condo that she was renting was up, Grace put her furniture in storage and moved in with Adam.

Six months later, things were far from rosy. It started with Adam finding fault with Grace: from the way she cooked and dressed to the way she spoke and the opinions she expressed. At first, Adam’s criticism was fairly mild (though still annoying). As time went on, however, Adam became very sarcastic, saying things like, “Don’t you think you’ve outgrown halter tops?” Then, at times, Adam could get explosively angry, shouting, throwing things, and calling Grace crude, demeaning names. To make matters worse, the more Grace tried to live up to Adam’s standards in order to avoid making him angry, the less it seemed to take to get him to the point where he would explode.

Grace had unwittingly let herself become hopelessly entangled in Adam’s insecurity and the distorted perceptions it created. It wasn’t as if she’d set out to bring out the worst in this insecure man. On the contrary, her sole motivation had been to try to keep the peace. But as with jealousy, once insecurity rears its head, the worst thing a person can do is to feed it. That’s what Grace had unintentionally done.

The Insecure Man

Here are some of the key signs of insecurity. All of them were evident in Adam’s personality. Grace saw them but initially she chose to minimize how important they were, and what they could mean for her relationship with Adam.

Needing Constant Reassurance and Approval: Grace quickly saw that Adam was someone who was easily deflated. He was quick to make self-deprecating remarks like, “That was pretty stupid,” or even, “What a loser!” Grace started responding to such comments by pointing out to Adam that he had a college degree and a good job, or just saying that it wasn’t true.

Smothering: Once Grace got hooked into a relationship with Adam, he quickly became more or less glued to her at the hip. He wanted them to be together all the time. He didn’t even like it when she was in a different room in the apartment they shared, and would come and sit beside her.

Jealous and Possessive: Grace was hardly a social butterfly; however, she did have friends and was close with her family. It wasn’t long before Adam began — in little ways at first — to question Grace when she wanted to spend time with friends or family. In time, this became a major sore point between them, to the degree that, when Grace was out with a friend or paying a visit to her sister, Adam would call her on her cell phone three or four times. And if friends or family would call when Grace was not at home, Adam would often “forget” to give her the message.

Distrustful: As an insecure man, Adam was not only jealous of Grace’s other relationships but also distrustful of others in general. He was forever suspicious of others’ motives, believing that people wanted to take advantage of him. As a result, he was very critical of others, quick to find fault and point out their flaws. Grace found this especially annoying when Adam criticized her family or friends or questioned their motives, when she knew very well that these people loved and cared about her.

s-INSECURE-BOYFRIEND-large You might ask, “Why would anyone want to do that?!” Well, one reason is that insecurity is not an all-or-none thing. Some men, like Adam, are so severely insecure that it might be impossible to have a viable relationship with them. On the other hand, many men are somewhat insecure, but not as insecure as Adam. In that case, the thing to avoid doing is making that insecurity worse. Here are a couple of tips for doing that:

Don’t accept responsibility for his insecurity. Grace did what many women in her situation do: she tried to quell Adam’s insecurity by continually reassuring him, and also by changing her lifestyle to accommodate his insecurity. In doing so she was unconsciously taking responsibility for Adam’s insecurity. If a man you are dating fits the above description to any significant degree, the place to begin is to recognize that it is his insecurity. It was there before you met him, and only he can heal it.

Don’t alter your lifestyle. The insecure man tends to be smothering, critical, and jealous. The more you alter your lifestyle in response to his insecurity, the worse (not better) his insecurity is likely to become. So, do not change the way you dress. Do not give up friends, family or activities such as yoga or exercise.

The good news is that insecurity can be overcome. However, it can only be overcome when a person recognizes that they are insecure and takes responsibility for doing something about it.

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Posted by on October 24, 2011 in Love

 

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If you love She give her the best

Don’t look now, but here come the holidays (really, they’re just 10 weeks away!). This year, we’re going to make planning and budgeting for them a snap.f40602b83be11729_80617015.xlarge

That’s why we’re starting early to help you tackle the season step by step — and save time, money and stress. If you follow our Guerrilla Guide each week, we promise that by the end of December, you’ll be outside on the skating rink instead of stressing inside the shopping mall.

According to our Facebook poll, 78% of LearnVesters were already thinking about holiday gifts as early as last week. So, for this issue of the Guerrilla Guide, we bring you the newest way to sort out your holiday gift list.

WEEK 2: YOUR CREATIVE, BUDGET-FRIENDLY GIFT LIST

As you make your list this year, we want you to think about holiday giving a little differently.

Before you start assigning dollar amounts to everyone and hunting around for products to buy and wrap, first consider whether the best gift for them is a thing with a price tag. According to the Five Love Languages, defined by marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman, people receive messages of love very differently, and only one of these categories involves actual physical gifts. Some people would rather receive acts of service or quality time instead.

Read on to find out more.

In holiday-speak, the Five Love Languages can help you figure out who in your life responds best to which type of gift.

The Five Love Languages are:

Words of affirmation

Acts of service

Physical touch

Quality time

Receiving gifts

Don’t know your own love language — let alone which one your friends and family speak? “You can pick up cues about your friend or family member’s inclinations during everyday conversations,” explains Dr. Natalie Robinson Garfield, psychotherapist and author of “The Sense Connection”. Or you can always take the Love Languages quiz together. But in case you’re pressed for time, we’ve compiled this handy guide to help you decode who speaks what — and plot the best gift-giving strategy.

This holiday, limit buying “stuff” to just the people who want it, and you’ll have the best gift-giving season ever, in terms of green friendliness, time savings, thoughtfulness and money.

Words of Affirmation

In sum: These are word folks: People who feel loved through words of affirmation want to hear you say you love them, or what they mean to you. They love sweet messages, notes, letters and spoken words of appreciation.

Signs your loved one speaks this language: This is probably the person who’s good at expressing how much you mean to her. (We commonly express affection in the language we’d like to hear.) People who speak this language also generally enjoy using words—they’re those who tend to explain verbally rather than physically. They might respond ecstatically to a nice compliment.

Great gifts: This is the type who will linger over the words of a card (sometimes more so than the gift), so for a words of affirmation lover, never leave out the card! Spend more time crafting a thoughtful sentiment — the more specific the better—and tell her exactly how much she means to you and why you value her. If you want to forgo a physical gift, this person may just as well appreciate a beautiful card, a meaningful letter or — if you have the creative chops — a poem.

Acts of Service

In sum: Dad did always say you know your true friends by who’s at the other end of the couch when you move. These are the people who view helpful and service-oriented acts as signs you care: running errands, making a meal, helping out with a task.

Signs that your loved one speaks this language: This person feels connected through helpful actions, and is often volunteering to take things off your plate when you’re overwhelmed — and if you do something nice for him like grab him a cup of coffee or walk his dog, he feels more gratitude than if you had paid someone to do those things.

Great gifts: This person might not appreciate a physical gift as much as your doing something nice for him, such as cooking his favorite dinner, helping him throw a party, or assisting with a major work project. Consider one of those homemade “coupon books” for this receiver — filled with freebies for doing laundry, taking out the trash or bringing him breakfast in bed. If you do decide to buy this person a gift, consider spending less on something that has an act of service wrapped up in it — i.e. get a bag of gourmet coffee beans and attach a note saying that you’ll bring him a freshly brewed cup every morning.

 
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Posted by on October 21, 2011 in Love

 

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Love in the wild

Take a first look at the premiere episode of NBC’s new reality series LOVE IN THE WILD which premieres on Wednesday June 29 at 10-11 p.m. ET.LOVE-IN-THE-WILD-NBC-13-550x366

Synopsis: This summer, NBC will premiere “Love in the Wild,” an exciting, new adventure-dating series that will put relationships to the ultimate test. Hosted by Darren McMullen (Australian “Minute to Win It”), 10 single men and 10 single women, all looking for love, will experience a romantic adventure unlike anything they could have ever imagined. These singles have tried it all – speed-dating, blind-dating, Internet dating — and now, they’re headed deep into the remote jungles of Costa Rica to see if they can find that special someone they’ve been looking for.

In each episode, the couples will pair up in exhilarating quests that will push their bodies and their emotions to the limit. Some of these include paddling down crocodile-ridden waters, navigating through bat-infested caves and hanging 200 feet above the rain forest floor as they descend down one of the most majestic waterfalls in Costa Rica. These exploits will put their relationships to the test as they fall for each other in ways they never imagined. Sparks will fly and hearts will break.

After each adventure, the winning couple will share a night together at the “Oasis,” a lavish, five-star bungalow overflowing with everything they could possibly desire for an intimate night of romance. The remaining couples will stay with their partners in the less luxurious “Cabins,” where they will gather for a night of socializing.

During an elimination unlike anything seen before, all of the couples will come together to reveal whether a connection has been formed with their current partner — or if they would like to switch and get to know someone else. At the end of every episode, two heartbroken singles will be sent home.

The series will culminate with just one couple left standing, who will have completed the adventure of a lifetime and found the one thing they’ve been searching for — “Love in the Wild.”

 
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Posted by on October 17, 2011 in Love in the wild

 

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Friendship is intended to sincere friendship

d002b34b39f383b083025c06Intended to refer to a sincere friendship friendship. That people are more than close friends and contacts that exist between the feelings of people willing to pay some or all of their friends all thought. Friendship usually larger than the human is also greater than family. Friendship is a matter of time long, long-term regardless of where the heart is always together, life has not changed life.

Friendship, friendship synonyms. It is a feeling among friends and friends.

It is a wonderful thing, allowing you to become excited and lost time, allows you to get out Oliver, to meet the new life. He was like one you can not say, but also very happy thing.

Only people who have real friends, real good to feel the place.

Friendship, it is only a way to pay the same thing, before they can get this kind of thing.

It and affection, like love, is an abstract, it is unpredictable things, but they are more than deserving of our treasure.

Friendship does not require anything, but it has a warmth that we can understand the.

No one can say clearly what is a friendship in the end.

That in the end it is what is it? You only pay a caring, sincere to pay to get something.

Want to know in the end it is what it? That you have only yourself to experience it!

Friendship, which in the end is what? He is just a feeling, a kind of harvest.

How much is friendship and evoke laughter, friendship, how many tears are dry of. Harbor sentimental friendship, friendship breeze filled Yukiho. Feelings of friendship is not an investment, it does not need dividends and dividends.

 
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Posted by on October 8, 2011 in Love

 

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