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Warning – “The Love That No One Loves To Love”

LoveSo much has been said of friendship and love that it seems on one level redundant to even write about it. In my own life I have found insight, understanding, awareness and suffering, as I engage the pursuit of its experience and the never ending conversations that occur around the dance of its expression.

Perhaps where there is loss and grieving around friendship and love, it is only then that we seek a deeper level of its understanding, meaning, expression, need and purpose in life? Perhaps a hunger or desperation inside guides and motivates our behaviors in seeking, engaging and celebrating its expression; to continue to find deeper layers of its company within all our relations?

1) Love – What’s Love Got to Do with it Anyway?

People get all caught up in what they think is the meaning (or feeling) of LOVE. But little do they know what love means or what role it should play in our lives rather than the actual (factual) role love really plays. Very few people have grasped the real concept of love in any way it should be intended.

The traditional story of love – A boy meets a girl; they play house, get married and have kids. [The End] Or so it may seem. Ha-ha-ha, that couldn’t be further from the truth in any language of love.

The Flip Side – Boy meets girl; beats girl, rapes girl and makes her pregnant then leaves girl alone to deal with baby and problems all on her own. Now what is really crazy about this picture is that in this scenario, both the boy and girl are missing the whole point when the boy comes back and does it all over again and the girl accepts this as “real love”. Also in this scenario, the girl usually not only bears the burden of showing the guy how she can “take a lickin and keep on tickin”, but she is also the financier for the family while the boy continues his streak of abuse and misuse of the girl and often the children they share. Is this the young love you know about? This is why people often ask “What’s Love Got to Do with it Anyway”? If this is all it is, it makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

2) Myths – Mysticism behind “The Love of Ages” I’m guessing you know by know that love is not all it’s cracked up to be. I know of a lot of people who look for love and never find it because they don’t really know exactly what they are looking for… It seems that some people or Mystics, looking through rose-colored glasses, hoping to find that special or right person to complement their lives. Truly, I wish that for you too. However, I am a realist and deal with the reality that no one is perfect and we have to have our act together in order to attract a like kind mate. I find that people are attracted to other people who have similar interest or habits. In other words, you can’t be a jerk expecting to find an angle… It just won’t happen. You may find a similar jerk or even half a jerk, but the reality in reflection of your qualities, that person will still be a jerk just like you. So, all I am saying here, is that if you want something better — Stand back and take a good look in the mirror or do a little soul-searching before you go on the hunt for a mate (just like you).

Scenario-1:

Here’s a story of a young woman like myself that is modest and kind. An independent young woman who has completed college and has her whole life and a promising career ahead of her. However, she has been so busy trying to be successful that she one day stares in the mirror and realizes that she doesn’t feel fulfilled. She is missing a significant other. She has no man in her life. So she asks herself, what if I want kids sometime in the near future? What type man may be a good fit for me? It is at that point she begins her journey starting with a laundry list of what I want my man to be like. It starts out like this: I want my man to be…

  • Good looking (he must be buff) ‘Built to the Hilt’
  • He must have money (lots of money) because he has to buy me a house and a car and everything else I want
  • My man will be smart – A Harvard graduate – Summa Cum Laude or PhD, (you know the type)
  • He has to have an expensive sports car (show he can show me off when we are together)
  • Blah, blah, blah, blah… You know how that story goes — Frankly it never ends

Either way you look at it, when expectations start out as a disaster, they often end the same way! In most cases when someone starts out with a laundry list of things they want, they are asking far more than they are able or willing to give of themselves anyway. So why pretend? Let’s try to deal with the real world here and we may come out on top.

Scenario-2: I know many, many people have their cake and are eating it too… But needless to say, this is not really what they want. The cake has gone sour and the marriage has been long sense dead. But who cares, we’ve got children and I can’t get a job, so I will have to ride it out to the end. Hoping the man will croak before she does and she can run off into the sunset with cash in hand along with a new man. Isn’t that why young women marry older men anyway? It sure ain’t about love is it? Johnny may have come lately; but I assure you he is never going away soon enough or if he did, you won’t get any of his ‘cash to carry’. Am I right?

The mystery of ages in the above cases is that – Love does not come with “Rose Colored Glasses” or with “The Glass Half Full”. In most cases it comes in a manner that is “Frothy and Filthy”. You have to make the best out of a bad situation or jump ship. The sooner one realizes that nothing in life is promised other than life and death… it is at that point we may began to accept the reality of how love really works in the real world in which we live.

3) Masks – “Which Face are we really putting on today” The Face of Despair? Some of us know what “The Face of Despair” looks like. Do you? In most cases it like a Happy Family Life in public view, but behind closed doors, one or the other spouse is often in dire straits. In the case of women, they try to appear happy, but under stress of spouse abuse, they tend to become often withdrawn and timid. Appearing only to close friends and family (i.e. sibling or parent) the truth of what is really going on in their lives. They tend to put up with the abuse because they feel they have nowhere to go or are not worthy of love of another man. Even more so, they often feel fear of sudden death or imminent danger from the abusing spouse should they reveal their mistreatment to anyone.

In the case of spousal abuse towards the male counterpart, women that are verbal abusive of just downright mean and bitter towards their mate tends to make the male feel less than a man and have a hard time coping with life in that way. When a male has been stripped of his rights as a man or the head of his household from an overbearing woman, he often reverts into deep depression. I have known cases where the men even suffer a nervous breakdown or worse by committing suicide.

You can often notice the face of despair – When the person you may know that should be in a loving or health relationship appears to be despondent or withdrawn, something is clearly wrong. Why don’t you reach out to see if you can offer loving support? You never know you may just save their lives of give them hope when they may have thought that all hope was lost. Everyone is deserving of some sort of love and kindness… Be the first to say to someone you may know “Let me help you through the rough times”.

4) Warning – “The Love that No one Loves to Love” What to look for from people who say “I Love You to Death”. In most cases, that has a literal connotation to it and means exactly what it says. Unfortunately, in the real world, lots of young people get caught up in this type of “Toxic Love” syndrome and have no earthly idea how to get out alive. It used to be a time when this referred to men only as the toxic lover. But now a days, women to are the deadly ones in a relationship. I can’t figure out who would be the most deadly… But if I had to bet on it, I would bet that women by far are the most deadly of all species.

 
 
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Posted by on May 7, 2012 in Love

 

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Love Can Be Very Blinding To Ones Thoughts And Control Their Actions

LoveLove is a very powerful, happy, depressing, controlling emotion. Love is a bond created by two people who are in a relationship and have allowed their feelings and relationship to reach that point.It plays a role in your life that you would never expect. many people have experienced love at some point in their lives whether it was good or bad. It can change your life completely. You may even end up spending the rest of your life with the person you have fallen in love with. This emotion can grow and go on for years and years creating happiness for the couple leading to marriage and more. But love is not always what it appears to be, it can be used to manipulate and deceive someone.Throughout time there have been many different views on love and how it should be. Sometimes someone can feel a very strong way about how they feel towards their significant other and take that as love when that is not the case. Love can be very blinding to ones thoughts and completely control their actions. This can really hurt someone if what they feel is not really love. Women and Men can both play the role of being deceivers and manipulators; making the other person fall for them completely and just using them to get what they want or need causing a devastating outcome for just one person.

All though some people are just not ready for what love can bring to the table. Some may have had a bad experience with love and are just afraid to love again because they do not want history to repeat itself so they hold onto their past. That alone can keep them from experiencing a feeling like no other. That can also cause a lot of hurt to one person because you want to prove that you will not allow history repeat itself to your Male/Female partner and they won’t allow you to prove that to them because of their insecurities.

One of the most frustrating things women face is falling in love with a man who refuses to commit to her. He says he loves her and enjoys spending time with her but when it comes to making a commitment to her he refuses. Read on to learn one of the ways to overcome your mans fear of commitment.

Women who have discovered the secret to satisfying relationships realize that there really is no secret. There is no hidden treasure trove of wisdom that must be brought forth by a genie in bottle or found washed up on the beach of some deserted island.

The simple truth, one that should be as plain to every women as the nose on her face is that to be loved and respected and treated the way she deserves to be treated she must do this first in her own relationships. Do this one thing and a brand new world full of infinite possibilities will become available to her.

And what is this one thing that she needs to do in order to receive all the love, respect and kindness that she could possibly need and want? Find little ways to show a lot of love to those the mean the most to her and whose love and respect she in turn wants. Whether it be a spouse, lover, child, sibling or parent finding ways to show love and kindness to others is one of the key ingredients in a successful relationship.

Showering others with acts of love and kindness does not require large amounts of money, long time commitments or giving up what we want in life. It is simply a matter of realizing what is important to others and finding ways to meet their needs. Taking the first step to bring some happiness into someone else’s life with no thought for the benefits that we will reap from these simple acts of kindness and love will in most instances return ten fold the kindness and love we show to others.

If your man or the man you are interested in is worthy of you show him the love, respect and kindness he deserves. Take the above advice to heart. Everyone be it man or women yearns for certain emotions that make them feel good. If by being around you men experience and feel these emotions they will naturally want to be with you. This is not rocket science.

There are millions of single men out there. Do you know where to go to find the right man for you? And when you find your perfect match then what? Learn how to go from “hello” to “I do” as fast as womanly possible even if he’s a hard to land man.

 
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Posted by on April 16, 2012 in Love

 

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Love As The Outworking Of The Divine And Inner Urge Of Life

loveLove may be defined as the outworking of the divine and inner urge of life. It is founded on understanding, nurtured by unselfish service, and perfected in wisdom.” Pure love activates the highest expression of trust, respect, and devotion, and rises above conditional feelings and circumstances. Known to the ancient Greeks as agape, it is the force that holds the various conditional expressions of human affection in place. In New Testament Words: The Greatest of the Virtues, William Barclay explains: “Agape has to do with the mind: it is not simply an emotion which rises unbidden in our hearts; it is a principle by which we deliberately live. Agape has supremely to do with the will.”

The personal attitude of love springs from loyalty to both divine duty and human need. It activates the unconditional and beneficial concern for the good of others and is expressed in respectful and unselfish behavior. Our depth of love and the quality of its expression is proportional to our comprehension of Deity, our efforts to cultivate the qualities of divinity, and our receptivity to the guidance of the Indwelling Spirit.

Unlike the instability of emotions or fickleness of affection, pure love is loyal, forgiving, reliable, compassionate, and truthful. A profound and poetic description of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4’7 (New American Standard Bible): “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Without love, the other virtues lose their vigor.

Unconditional love must be cultivated. Love must undergo a constant readaptative interpretation of relationships in accordance with the guidance of the Spirit of Truth. When the human mind is able to grasp the enlarging concepts of the highest cosmic good of the individual who is loved, then love goes on to strike this same attitude concerning all other individuals.There are several expressions of human affection that are instinctive and, unless cultivated, often remain conditional:love

1. The natural liking or admiration people have for one another was known by the ancient Greeks as phileo and arises out of benevolence or common interests. Most friendships are built on phileo. It is the type of affection that says: “I like you if . . .”

2. Familial love, which includes parental love, was labeled by the Greeks as storge. Storge is a strong, bonding, and protective love toward an animal, object, or person. A living being with storge feels a strong sense of duty and is often willing to die to protect this love. Storge is a conditional love that says: “I love you because I should.” The strength and devotion of storge is often proportional to the need of the loved one and may be thwarted by influences such as ambition, selfishness, or religious conviction.

3. Physical attraction, called eros by the ancient Greeks, is the chemical reaction, the sex urge, the infatuation between two people. “Notwithstanding the personality gulf between men and women, the sex urge is sufficient to insure their coming together for the reproduction of the species. This instinct operated effectively long before humans experienced much of what was later called love, devotion, and marital loyalty.” Eros is often mistaken for love and therefore easily abused. Without phileo and storge, eros is passion, the sex urge that, when unbridled, can devastate personal lives, its effect radiating into families and society. But the sex impulse is the catalyst that eventually leads to love. Eros gets beyond the romance stage with the support of phileo, storge, and agape, which helps sustain the friendship and spirituality that long-term relationships require.

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2012 in Love

 

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Love Is One Of The Most Profound Of Themes

The subject of love is one of the most difficult and profound of themes. Whenever we think of love, we equally think of God, because ‘God is love’. Love has always been the character of God, and it is a mistake to think that the God of the Old Testament could not be described in this way. One of the most moving testimonies to God’s love in the whole Bible is by the prophet Hosea. God’s love was the reason why he chose and cared for the people of Israel. In return, God’s people were expected to love Him with their whole being, and show a similar love to their fellow men.love

In the New Testament, the word ‘love’ is sometimes translated in the usual Greek word, philia. This means ‘intimate affection’. Far more important, however, is the word agape. This is not a sex word, although the Bible regards sex very highly. Agape is used to describe self-giving love, seen above all in Jesus Christ. It is in His death that we see the true depths of this love. It is far greater than human love. It is the love that unites the Father and the Son. It is the love that God has for the world, and it becomes part of a Christian’s life through the gift of God. It is in fact the mark of God’s presence in the life of every Christian. Jesus says, “If you have love for one another, then everyone will know that you are my disciples”.

This statement of Jesus brings out the true meaning of love, which reminds us of two things: happiness and suffering. Sometimes it sounds so strange to me that “love” which is the source of the greatest happiness, should as well, be the cause of the most intense suffering. Having love for one another is not as easy as we think. It involves everything about us – our whole selves – always ready to give out that which we have. This is because our life on earth is such that suffering is always involved, for love seeks to save the object of its love, by means of suffering or sacrifice. Love gains its end and attains its highest happiness through self-less sacrifice.

Therefore, being in love, means to suffer for the one you love, that is, to truly offer yourself to protect and suffer for someone else. The love the Almighty God had for His children could not achieve its purpose without suffering. By means of His sufferings, Christ bore and overcame the sins of the whole world, and the hard heart of man was melted and drawn back to God. This however tells us that love in the midst of suffering manifests the greatest glory, and attains its end perfectly.

Love that is worthy of its name manifests itself in a life of continued self sacrifice. Its strength lies in the renunciation. When the Bible asks us a soul-searching question whether a mother can forget her own child, it is always a quick reminder to all of us that no matter what happens, no mother can allow her child the trauma of abandonment. Recall how mothers suffer whenever their beloved children fall sick, or fall into evil ways. Being in love is explained in what one undergoes when one yields oneself wholeheartedly to work and pray for others.

Initially, the task may be burdensome, with tears and heartache, but love helps in overcoming the obstacles. Love gives one the courage and strength to endure. To be in love however means, having ones dwelling place, in God. Our unreserved surrender to always seek the glory of God in the salvation of our fellow-men is rooted in love, without which, there could be no real relationship. The Bible entreats us to walk in love as Christ who loves us did and gave Himself for us (Ephesians 5:2). It further says: “He that dwelleth in love, dwelleth in God, and God in him”.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2012 in Love

 

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Real Love Requries Honesty

LoveRecently, I picked up a great book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Overall, I love the book except one part of it gave me pause and made me reflect. It was in the chapter about “Why Men Cheat” on their wives, girlfriends, etc. Harvey’s basic answers are: 1) They Can. 2) They Think They Can Get Away With It. 3) He Hasn’t Become Who He Wants and Needs to Be or Found Who He Truly Wants. 4) What’s Happening at Home Isn’t Happening Like it Used To. 5) There’s Always a Woman Out There Willing to Cheat With Him. And, ultimately he explains the man hasn’t got his priorities straight especially in having a real and meaningful spiritual practice in his life.

Ok. So far, so good. And, I also agree with what Harvey says regarding why a man is able to get away with his cheating and lying behavior with the women he is with. One reason this happens Harvey explains (using my paraphraze of what he says not his exact words now) is because any woman he is with hasn’t set high enough standards in her life to respect and love herself enough to see what is going on right in front of her and take a stand about it. She basically colludes in the notion that denial is good for you. After all, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.” And, since her denial lets him get away with what he wants to, he is happy to join in on the denial party with her. But, denial is not good for you and it feeds one of my four major love myths I discuss in my Attracting Real Love course — love is blind. Wrong! Real love actually requires 20 – 20 vision because you only know how to really love yourself and others when you are seeing what you need to see clearly.
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Which is why when I read this in Harvey’s book I decided I couldn’t disagree more. He says if a woman starts to catch on to a man’s cheating and lying behavior and starts to ask questions a man is going to just do more of his lying and denying game. Why? Harvey says men will do this “if we care about you. But, if not — if a man doesn’t see you fitting into his life plan — he won’t even bother with all of the covering up.” WHOA!!! Come on, Steve! I know the rest of your book also says that a man who really loves a woman won’t cheat, but let’s clear this up right now! Le’t not make it seem like somebody is cheating and hiding the truth from someone out of love. No way, no how!

So, why do we really lie? Plain and simple We’re afraid. Period. Why are we afraid? We don’t love ourselves or the people around us enough to live in truth. And, real love requires the truth. Not some blunt rude make people feel stupid and horrible version of truth. But, truth nonetheless! And, if you want proof of who has the most loving relationships going on between them? Well, it’s between people who can live in truth completely. They love and respect each other so much they want to be honest with them. They care about not hurting them. They care about being loved and respected in return for who they are flaws and all. And, they want a partner who can hear the truth and help bring it all into the realm of consciousness in a loving way and heal any fear in the realm of love. That means the more a couple lies to each other, the more they actually are in fear of each other, which means love really isn’t very present at all.

Now, why do we refuse to live in truth? It’s simple. We are thinking more about ourselves and coming from our egos. We simply don’t want to have to face the consequences of what we are doing and be forced to change our hurtful behaviors. We don’t want to feel bad about ourselves by having to see clearly what is really going on. Or, to share another quote, We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams. In short, we are afraid to love and feed fear in our lives instead.

Ok, I don’t expect people to be perfect. But, try this on for size. Next time you catch yourself or other people telling lies ask yourself this, “What am I afraid of and how does this reflect a lack of love in myself or a lack of love regarding the people I am with?” Then, ask this, “What would it be like to love myself and others enough to be willing to take the scrape, instead of give one?”

Notice this as well. Despite what people say finding out the truth doesn’t hurt! What hurts is discovering how much there was a lack of love and how real love was replaced by deception and fear. Remember, real love heals it doesn’t hurt. And, though it may hurt to find out about lies, shedding them actually opens you up to attracting more real love in your life creating space for the rapture described in the main quote above — for yourself and the people around you.

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2012 in Love

 

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What Is The Definition Of Love

LoveDefining love is not that easy. Love is a word with many connotations and everyone has their own interpretations. This is mine.

Dictionaries have different meanings for this word. But when I think about it, my mind conjures up images of all kinds of beautiful things that I have always associated with love. Flowers, chocolates, candle light dinners, hearts, soft toys, clothes and perfumes, (I hope I haven’t left anything out!) these are the words that have become synonymous with love… but, what about the feelings and emotions associated with it!

I remember growing up with stars in my eyes and love songs ringing through my ears. Slowly my dreams grew bigger and I started waiting for my Prince Charming to come along and take me with him to a beautiful land where we would be surrounded by servants, good clothes, flowers and jewelry. One day I realized the truth about love… that it was much more than material comforts and gains.

Love is Sharing
Believe me when I say that this is one of the most important ingredients of love. It is important to open ones heart and share – your happiness, your sorrows, your fears, your victories… everything, it really does not matter, as long as the heart is clear. Love is being honest and knowing that the other person feels the same way too, it is sharing and losing ones inhibitions and knowing that the person on the other side will never be judgmental.

Love is Talking
Yes, love is talking. It is about speaking, telling and sharing. After some time people restrict their conversations to discussing bills, children and pets. This is a sure indicator of things going down hill. Bring the spark back by starting a conversation. Talking can help solve matters that otherwise might lead to misunderstandings. Another aspect of that is listening. Talking is useless if the other person is not listening. Learn to listen too.

Love is Spending Time Together
A few minutes spent together everyday keeps the boredom away. I just made this up right now, but it is because I feel there is nothing like time invested in a relationship…believe me, it pays! Heavy work schedule takes up much time and effort, so it is important to get things into perspective. Spending time with each other will let you understand the other person better, help you know them better. And I believe that it gives the relation a different feel.

Love is Trust
When you love someone, you have to trust them. Love without trust is not possible. When you open your heart to someone, you have to trust them to take care of it, forever. Trust means that you have the confidence in the other person that they will keep their promises, be faithful and be there for you always.

Love is Faithfulness
To love means to be true, to love unconditionally means to give with all your heart to one, and only one. Being faithful in a relationship is very important, in love… it is the next thing to trust. Love is when you realize that that person is the best thing that has happened to you and you want to cherish that person and the moments spent with them, till death do you part.

Love is Being Friends
Love is being friends with each other. Enjoying simple pleasures in life like shopping, catching a movie or watching television at home, apart from a host of other things that “Friends” normally do! You have to tell them your secrets and keep theirs, be there for each other, and respect and trust each other.

And, as clichéd as this may sound… Love is looking together in the same direction, having the same goals and taking steps in that direction to make them come true.

I would like to end with one of my favorite quotations by D. H. Lawrence:

“Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly
and without law, and must be plucked where it is found,
and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.”

 
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Posted by on February 22, 2012 in Love

 

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Express Your Love In Valentine’s Day

loveValentine’s Day is meant to be a day of love and bliss for those who have a special someone in their life. But things can get a little stressful when trying to decide just how to express your feelings with a great gift. Of course you could opt for giving your other half the traditional flowers and chocolates, but let’s admit it – that’s pretty lame. That’s why we’re here to help with you a few unique Valentine’s Day gift ideas that will certainly score you some points for creativity and thoughtfulness.

Valentine’s day is a day of Love celebration. Valentine’s Day gives a reason and opportunity to the married person also to express one’s love and intimacy to spouse, and celebrate the long-lasting successful married life and good fortune of being together, and loyal to each other, forever.

Express your love with song. If you are looking to make the object of your affection swoon, you could try your hand at singing their favorite love song. But, if your vocal talents would get you laughed off American Idol, maybe you should turn to the professionals for help. Hire a Singing Telegram to deliver those flowers and chocolates while they sing a classic love song. Or perhaps you could book a barbershop quartet to harmonize your true feelings over a romantic dinner.

Acoustic guitarists, pianists, violinists and singers also make for great Valentine’s Day entertainment options if you want to plan a romantic evening at home for your loved one. If you need finding the right song for the occasion, take a look at our top ten Valentine’s Day song list for some great choices.

You can’t go wrong with Elvis.  You may be thinking, “Elvis, really?” But believe me, an appearance from the King of Rock and Roll will be something your sweetheart will remember forever. Hiring an Elvis impersonator to sing one of his famous love songs like “Can’t Help Falling in Love with You” or “Burning Love” would be tops on the most original gift list.

Make the moment magical.  So you have purchased the perfect gift. But you want to present it in a special way and aren’t sure how. Why not hire a magician and ask the performer to work the gift into the routine? When your wonderful gift magically appears it will be a fun surprise.

This Valentine’s Day give your lucky someone the gift of entertainment – it’s much more exciting than a box of conversation hearts! Remember, we’re here to help you find the perfect entertainment for your sweetheart. Unfortunately you are on your own picking out the card.

Love any of these ideas? Don’t forget to enter our Valentine’s Day contest and win free entertainment!

 
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Posted by on February 13, 2012 in Love

 

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